A clatter clutter of memories, building and breaking upon each other, senseless, seamless, some bruised, most only partially formed. It feels like a seminal time, and though there is the temptation to put down an anchor, you know it it is pointless - this ship has been long adrift, and this ocean is deeper than your chain can reach.
It was so long ghosting it´s way though the tides, that you wonder if the albatross you shot in your dream was not in fact shot for real….realities confuse in parched delirium….and it can drive men insane waiting for a new wind. When it comes, what do you do with it? What do you do with something you had learnt so well to live without? You have trodden a life time with a gleeful lack of expectancy, befriended the many faces of hopelessness, found joy in the reckless anonymity of the bars far from the land of your birth.
You look back and you know dam well for sure that if you´d known how far you´d have to travel that you would never have set out in the first place. At some stage you looked back and you noticed that the bridges were burning. And you caught yourself finding them beautiful…..and only later did you finally intuit the true meaning. But now that you are here, you find things calm.
You were tempted to feel vindication, but at her first appearance you found her ugly. You reviled her. And in doing so thought of the poets of your teenage inspiration…and reconnected with that yearning. Did it ever leave? Life always seemed to find a way to reinvent your longing. Do you remember writing “Falling Apart” - and in the writing of the song finding “salvation for this silhouette of a man”. Next to no one heard it…..but there´s always something fascinating about the space next to no one.
Anyway, maybe there´s some sense amongst the random musings, maybe not. Joyfully just don´t care. Just glad to feel hope. She is far more beautiful than vindication. And she is a welcome passenger on this ship as it is sails on to where ever it is blown next.